Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
