Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
