gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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