Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
