i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
