Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
