just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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