While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This is my gift to your gina
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
