i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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