OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize