OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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