laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
