I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
