at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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