I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
