I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Alive.
So much puke
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
