Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
