so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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