the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
