If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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