My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
