A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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