he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
