i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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