he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize