I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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