How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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