He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
is that a dick in a sweater?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
