I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
