GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
