I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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