So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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