I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
