Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
