threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
