I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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