she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
