ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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