WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
