my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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