She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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