remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
