I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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