There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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