I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
