I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
