One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
