I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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