So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
