Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
