Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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