what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
