Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
