she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
