I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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