69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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