So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
