i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
