they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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