i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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