By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
