Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
