looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
