Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think I sprained my soul last night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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