so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
