I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
