Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
