So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
