you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
