ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
