I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
