shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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