i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
