I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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